1. A Brief History
2. Current Events
3. Current Issues
4. Future Decisions
Ok, so a Brief History. I have a PhD in the life sciences. I'm highly educated, highly skilled, very passionate, yet somehow I can never convey my abilities to a future employer. In other words, I have problems marketing myself. After having my first kid, I couldn't focus on my work very well. I wanted to be home with him, to give my husband a reprieve from spending all day with a fussy, crying kid. We had no family around, since we'd just moved to a new place. In retrospect, it was a bad idea to leave where we'd lived 3mo before our son was born. But who would've known. My husband's unemployment didn't help the lack of focus either. We had serious money issues, on a pathetic post-PhD salary and his unemployment, which he didn't start collecting until a month after our son was born (that's 4mo after he lost work). We were paying the equivalent of our mortgage because of the downturn in the rental market in the country and our rent was astronomical. We had to pay a rather large chunk to cover our mortgage on the house, plus the rent in the new state. After just 9mo of this, we made a tough decision to return to our house, which in and of itself was a nightmare - the property manager was a no-good scheister. I had landed a job at a local university, and we hoped that my husband would get his old job back, or at least some part-time work. Two-and-a-half years later and that *never* materialized. So many promises were made to him by employers all over, and all of them fell through. Then he finally got a job, but I was pregnant with the second kid. I was miserable - MISERABLE - in my job at the university, so it seemed like a good opportunity to make a new start. And so far, it pretty much has been.
I love that I've been able to stay home with our kids. I simply love it. I love it so much, I regret I wasn't able to do it with our son. I feel like he got cheated. Yes, he had his father home, but my son and I hadn't bonded until my husband left in Summer 2011 for his job in another state, leaving me to finish up my job and finish baking our daughter. So I was left with the toddler, too. Of course, when we then moved to join my husband 3 months later, our bonding time was over and it was time for the boys to reconnect. But me staying home 24h/day has helped to recover some of that missed bonding in my son's first 2 years.
My job at the university was so disconcerting, so ethically and morally challenging, questionable, reprehensible and it lacked the professional development and opportunities I'd come to expect from post-PhD work, that I wasn't too broken up by the break up. It was coming and we all knew it. My boss knew it. I knew it. We just didn't say anything to each other. Legally, being put out on disability because of issues with the pregnancy and my employer not paying a single dime, I was covered on not communicating with them. But the experience was so fundamentally 'traumatizing' that I want nothing more to do with that line of work. Well, at least not in the context that I was in. So here I am, two kids in tow and highly educated and no job lined up. So I went back to school, with a goal in mind to become a private/prep school teacher in the eventual future. I live in a culturally diverse area, but in a region with significant historical racial issues. The courses I take are heavy on the sensitivity training, light on the curriculum/pedagogy training. I feel like I'm being prepared to be a counselor, not a skilled educator. There's a good chunk of money invested in this, but I still don't feel entirely 'happy'.
I do remind myself of why I decide to take this path: decent money (I know for all those educators out there, this must be a joke, but for us, it would be a comfortable 2nd income), regular schedule, good benefits, time off. The time off is a big one, because I want to be available to my kids, I want the time to take them on vacations. To relax. But more and more, I'm not feeling these benefits will be worth it if I can't land a job. Why do I get that feeling? Because virtually everyone I talk to - except those people doing the recruiting at the university, who take my money - laughs, cringes, or otherwise scoffs at my decision, at my altruism, maybe even may naivete. I don't know, but I'm not shy about asking these people why they react the way they do. And I get the same answer every time: Oh no, I'm sure you'll enjoy it. It's just that these kids won't care about what you know, why you became a teacher, that you have a PhD. Ok, so that might be true, but what about the private/prep/boarding schools?
Well, there was a freaking eye-opener recently. In my home-state is a very prestigious boarding school, the tuition for which is more than I'd hope to make my first year out of the gates at a public school in the current state I live in. When I did a half-assed Google search, I stumbled upon an article, albeit an old one, about what the teachers at this prep school make. Holy shit! They make less than the tuition that is charged to each boarded student! Are you freaking kidding me? With less than a hundred faculty and a 1:10 faculty:student ratio, you can't at least pay these graduate-degreed teachers what a single student's family pays in tuition?!?! So, jeez, not even the private schools with asstons of money regard their teachers highly enough to give them a decent wage? What the heck?
And here we are, looking back at our past decisions: no, I'll do the PhD and maybe later, if I want, a JD; oh, I'm coming upon the completion of my PhD, I think I'll check out patent law; oh, my advisor makes some valid points against law school and maybe it isn't really what I want to do; shit, this PhD thing is a Ponzi scheme!; damn it, I knew I should've done law school, but with 2 kids now, I don't want to miss out on their lives!; I'll do teaching, even if it doesn't earn a lot; oh my god, sending my kids to a good school is going to cost how much?!?!; this teaching thing might not really be what I should do, let's check out the local law school; oh crap, the application deadline is tonight!;
You see the pattern, right? Frustration, confusion, desperation. There's also a lot of fear and disappointment. What if I go one route and I regret it? What if I get into too much debt and can't get that 6-figure job? What if.... At this point, I can't be risky, not with two kids, one of whom will be going to school a couple of years. Education in this country is bound to become a major career, but will it get to that point before I need to hit up my nest egg? Law schools put out so many attorneys, they can't all find jobs. Why the heck can't I get a job with my freaking PhD?! It's a freaking PHD! Times have changed a lot from when my father got his PhD, where you could get an academic job without a post-PhD job. Or at least a very short one. Now, you can't get one unless you're Noble Prize caliber. That's horsepoopy to me. Major horsepoopy. And then we hear the Prez say we need more scientists and engineers. Wrong. You need to employ the ones you already have, get them into the private sector even if they don't have prior private sector experience. It's not like we're flippin' spies! We just want a paycheck! Welll, and to contribute to society. Of course.
So that was one realization I had. Why did I continue to pursue altruistic careers: science for the good of humanity at the cost of a good salary; educator of children at the cost of a good salary. Enough of that. My mother always wanted me to be able to compete with men, so I figure it's time to think like a man: I'm damn worth every penny I'm going to ask from a company and since these public and private schools aren't going to put out, if the law school takes me, adios altruism and bon jour international biotechnology/patent law. Money money money. I know money doesn't make one happy and it doesn't solve all problems, but if it sets my kids up for a good education for which they don't have to go into death-inducing debt, then fine.
But of course, there's the nagging problem of me not being a quitter. My husband and I are still trying to figure out if there's a way for me to get my teaching credential while enrolling in law school. It might be doable, plus it would get me a day job - high school science teacher by day, cutthroat law student by night, sleep-deprive parent all-around ;) What I need to do, is make a decision, be happy with it, not look back and wonder 'what if...'. I still look for jobs that utilize my PhD - just recently I applied for another job in the Caribbean; the first of which I was offered the job, but had to turn it down due to the circumstances at the time. Bummer.
And, in the end, as of right now, I haven't gotten in to law school. Nor have I gotten a teacher of record job. Whoever strikes first might make my mind up for me. I guess I'll just have to wait and see what divine intervention has in store for me ...
